THE FAMILY..LEARNING TO COMMUNICATE        Pastor Bob Chroninger
 Trinity C.U.   5-10-98 P.M.      Ephesians 4:1-3,17-32   A:\EPH4-25
	 Have you ever made a comment that was totally misunderstood? 
 How does a Christian grow in his relationships with others? Communication
 is the basic skill needed to establish and maintain sound and abiding 
relationships... between husband and wife.. parents and children.. brothers
 and sisters in Christ.. 
I.  HINDRANCES to COMMUNICATION... 
  A.  Look at the "put-off's" and the "put-on's"    4:20-23
  B.  Specifics... lying; corrupt communication (29); bitterness; 
	anger.. 2 kinds... explosive.. vented; silence.. the other extreme..
	harboring resentment is also sin... 
	wrath.. outbursts from agitated  feelings anger.. a settled attitude..
      basically an angry person clamor.. a word which imitates the raven's
      cry - signifies the tumult of controversy 
	evil speaking.. blasphemia... 
	malice.. vicious character
 ** So.. when love won't cover it... 
II.  STARTING to COMMUNICATE... 
  A. Don't continue to tear one another down.. 
    1. It is wrong to insist upon being right about little things that 
       don't matter... 
	- to be successful in marriage... learn to lose 
    2. It is destructive... and hinders communication 
	- don't use God's gift of speech to be nasty to one another (29) 
  B. Do...Begin to "Point" to yourself... 
    1. Get the arrows going in the same direction.. 
	- by pointing at yourself 
	- by getting the "log" out our own eye first.. Mt.7:3,4,5 
	- don't take the lid off the other person's garbage can until you have 
        first cleaned out your own. 
    2. Say... "I have wronged you, please forgive me"
	- confess to God and to each other
	- clean out the rubble of the past and don't let it pile up again 
    3. Use.. the energy on the problem, not on attacking each other 
    4. Develop a different habit pattern... put of and put on..
	- use words to build up.. rather than to tear down.. 29
III.  LEARNING to COMMUNICATE... 
  A. Pray for Wisdom... 
    1. Perhaps your objections are not valid... insignificant things.. 
    2. Or... pray for the right spirit and opportunity.. 
  B. Plan for The Right Time..  when you are calm.. and the mood is good 
  C. Speak the Truth in Love.. 4:15 
    1. In kind words say exactly what is on your heart
    2. Make sure your love is equal to your truth 
  D. Don't lose Your temper 
    1. When angry.. we often say more than we intend, often cutting 
    2. Anger on my part brings an angry response... 
    3. State your objection Kindly.. once.. trust the Holy Spirit.. 
  E. Allow for Reaction Time.. 
    1. The initial response may be an "explosion"... or "clamb up" 
	- keep cool... don't nag... don't defend yourself... 
    2. Give time to change... 
  F. Commit The Problem To God.. 
    1. To change objectionable behavior... OR 
    2. To give necessary grace to live with it... 2 Cor.12:9 

THE FAMILY NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO COMMUNICATE....
	 AND THE ONLY REAL SOLUTION.....
IS CHRIST IN THE HEART.... AND CHRIST IN CONTROL... MOMENT BY MOMENT
     IS HE IN YOUR HEART??    Yes?      or    Not Really?
     IS HE IN CONTROL??       Yes?      or    Not Really?